Sacrifice
by Makai Knight
Summary: The Death Note is regarded as the most dangerous weapon in the history of humanity, but the danger isn't limited to what it can do to someone whose name is written in the note.


Even though Light is proud of his goal, he's not sure that he can bring himself to show who he truly is. The god of the new world, the savior of mankind, the one who judges those that slip through the cracks of the system. Justice... He's sure he's the only one who truly understands the meaning of the word.

There are always challenges and sacrifices that need to be made for the good of society. Sometimes the sacrifices are things as small as time spent with someone on a Saturday night, or as much as someone's life. Even worse, sometimes the sacrifices aren't entirely on purpose, and come with the largest consequences.

Light Yagami isn't fully aware of the fact that he has sacrificed a great deal in the hopes of achieving a perfect world.

Even after Light wrote the first two names in the Death Note, he felt the clawing at the back of his mind, his conscience tearing itself apart from the internal conflict. He was killing people -- murdering them -- but wasn't it for the good of society? The world?

Knowing he had that much power, the power of a god that man was never allowed to have, was enough to cause a small breakdown in the middle of the night. He wasn't sure if his parents had heard him, though he was sure everyone would have just thought he was having a nightmare. For a solid week, Light hadn't slept at all, his mind torn over the things he had done and how much potential the notebook had.

During his breakdown, Light had slid from his bed and onto the floor, grabbing at it in an attempt to hold himself in place, almost as if he were afraid that he was going to fall over again. He pressed his forehead to the floor, running the fingers of his other hand through his hair and grasping it, taking a few wheezing breaths.

Light catches himself sometimes, wondering if that was the point at which his thoughts and mind became a bit more blurred. His memories became harder to grasp, it was more difficult to concentrate on things... Though his grades didn't really fall enough to cause alarm, it was starting to take more effort.

He doesn't like to think back on it though, at least what little he can remember. The only other thing he remembers from the event is the laugh that left his lips, and the slight chill his body gets when he thinks about it. It had slipped from his lips without him even meaning to do it, and Light remembers wondering at the time if it was the sign that he was really going to snap.

The mental anguish had been so bad, so overpowering at one point, that Light had to physically restrain himself from writing his own name in the notebook.

After a few days, Light had recovered, aside from the newfound problems with his memories and focus, but Light figured that it was to blame on the fact that he was preoccupied with more important things. As much as he wanted to continue to hide behind the cover of being a student, the future of he world was in his hands.

Now, so much more has happened and Light still feels overwhelmed by all of the events around him. The girlfriend who follows his every whim, but who is horribly misguided by her own idea of what is right, and the constant observation from the one he considers his biggest threat.

Sitting at his desk, Light nudges his schoolwork aside when he finishes it, taking out the notebook and opening it, flipping through the pages. He recalled making a mark on the bottom of one of the pages, a date from the last time he had used it. Since the mark, five new pages with four columns each had been added. Light brought his pen up to his mouth, biting on the end of it, going over in his mind when he would have done such a thing.

Light doesn't yet fully realize the sacrifice he's made for his perfect world, the part of his mentality that shattered the night of his breakdown. The only proof that something else exists are the pages added in after the marks at the bottom of the pages, but even then, Light wonders if he had just forgotten to make a new mark.

Staring down at the pages, Light realizes that it would be simple to be rid of his enemy, the one who has been chasing him, observing his every move, but he knows the sacrifice isn't worth it. He wonders how many years he has left. Even though he is only seventeen, is he destined to live to be an old man in his eighties who dies peacefully, or is he meant to be stabbed during a mugging the night of his twenty-fourth birthday?

It would be easy to just say the words and make the deal, to trade half of his lifespan for the ability to see his enemy's name, but Light is so set on the goal of being the god of the new world that he refuses to give up any of his life. The world would fall apart without him there to oversee everything.

Part of him, a selfish part of him, doesn't want to consider the idea at all. Even though his enemy is a huge threat to his plan, Light doesn't entirely want to get rid of him. It's too much fun, running circles around each other, treating the entire thing like a game and finally having someone around who presents a worthy challenge.

Someday, another sacrifice is going to be made, but Light isn't sure he's ready.


End file.
